Two Days of Christmas Songs

Unfortunately I was out all day yesterday so I wasn't able to add any Christmas songs. Fortunately I am at home now (I think) and I have now added four songs. (Two for today two for yesterday)

Rudolph Got Run Over By My Grandma

Chorus:

Rudolph Got Run Over by my Grandma,

Just as he arrived on Christmas Day,

She had gotten sick and tired of hearin',

that song where she gets trampled by a sleigh.

She'd been listening to the radio,

and she nearly lost her breath,

yellin' cuss words at the DJ,,

for playin' that song where she gets hooved to death.

So she set out on the warpath,

there was evil in her eye,

she said "I'm gonna find that reindeer

and by golly, one of us is gonna die!"

Chorus:

Rudolph Got Run Over by my Grandma,

just as he arrived on Christmas Day,

She had gotten sick and tired of hearin',

that song where she gets trampled by a sleigh.

Santa Claus had made a landing,

on the new expressway,

Grandma was doin' 120,

with her headlights pointed straight at Santa's sleigh.

'Twas an awful sound of impact,

Grandma really nailed him good,

There were hoofprints on her windshield,

and a pair of ripped-off antlers on her hood.
Chorus:

Rudolph Got Run Over by my Grandma,

just as he arrived on Christmas Day,

She had gotten sick and tired of hearin',

that song where she gets trampled by a sleigh.

Guess we'll all be missing Rudolph,

in the winter when it snows,

but now he's up in reindeer heaven,

with a Buick logo stamped into his nose.

But there's no regret from Grandma,

as she drove away, she sneered,

and then she hollered out the window,

"Merry Christmas to all, and to all, a FLAT DEER!"

Chorus:

Rudolph Got Run Over by my Grandma,

just as he arrived on Christmas Day,

She had gotten sick and tired of hearin',

that song where she gets trampled by a sleigh.

Now for the original song.

Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer

Grandma got run over by a reindeer

Walking home from our house Christmas eve.

You can say there's no such thing as Santa,

But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.

She'd been drinkin' too much egg nog,

And we'd begged her not to go.

But she'd left her medication,

So she stumbled out the door into the snow.

When they found her Christmas mornin',

At the scene of the attack.

There were hoof prints on her forehead,

And incriminatin' Claus marks on her back.

Grandma got run over by a reindeer,

Walkin' home from our house Christmas eve.

You can say there's no such thing as Santa,

But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.

Now were all so proud of Grandpa,

He's been takin' this so well.

See him in there watchin' football,

Drinkin' beer and playin' cards with cousin Belle.

It's not Christmas without Grandma.

All the family's dressed in black.
And we just can't help but wonder:

Should we open up her gifts or send them back?

Grandma got run over by a reindeer,

Walkin' home from our house Christmas eve.

You can say there's no such thing as Santa,

But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.

Now the goose is on the table

And the pudding made of fig.

And a blue and silver candle,

That would just have matched the hair in Grandma's wig.

I've warned all my friends and neighbours.

Better watch out for yourselves."

They should never give a license,

To a man who drives a sleigh and plays with elves.

Grandma got run over by a reindeer,

Walkin' home from our house, Christmas eve.

You can say there's no such thing as Santa,

But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.

(Written by Randy Brooks)

Song three

Oh Little Bank Americard

(To The Tune "Oh Little Town of Bethlehem")

Oh, little Bank Americard

You bring me Christmas Cheer

Without your clout I have no doubt

No gifts I'd give this year.

Your credit line allows me

To run up bills quite large

And when I'm through, exhausting you

I'll use my Master Charge.

(Same tune, sung in late February)

Oh, little Bank Americard

You bring me discontent

I calculate Your int'rest rate

Is over twelve percent.

Each month, your cry for payments

My letter-box bombards;

I'm one more sap, caught in your trap

Next year I'll just send cards.

song four

Dashing Through the Mall

(To the Tune of “Jingle Bells”)

Dashing through the mall...

On a late December day,

Through the $tores we go

Charging all the way...

Ching ... Ching ... Ching ...

Bell$ on register$ ring

Making checkbook$ light,

Oh, what fun it is to buy up Everything in $ight!
OH ...
Jingle Bells Jingle Bells

The kids all yell and scream

To us it sounds like anarchy

But to them it's harmony-HEY!

Jingle Bells Jingle Bells

The children tipped the tree

Antique ornaments smashed to bits

The kids each say "not me"

Dad goes to work each day

Engineering things for flight

But his real job is at home

Refereeing little fights

Mom drives the kids around

In an ancient Caravan

Karate, swimming, children's choir

Espresso in her hand-HEY!

Jingle Bells Jingle Bells Jingle all the way

Our wish to you is that you have A... Happy... Holi-dayyyyyyyyy.