It's time for: Guess the Christmas Song. The time when you guess the Christmas song. Here they are.

1) To sum forth the entire assembly loyal in their belief !

2) We listen to messengers of harmonious sounds!

3) Nocturnal times pan of unbroken quietness!

4) Small Judean municipality, southeast of Jerusalem!

5) Our auditory mechanisms perceive their voices at the zenith!

6) Diminutive masculine master of skin covered cylinders!

7) May blessings grant respite to ecstatic personages of male gender!

8) Venture forth and voice from a specific alpine geological formation!

9) The first person nominative plural of a triumvirate of Oriental potentates!

10) Nocturnal awe of the time span characterized by religiosity!

11) Distant from the present locale in a device devoted to animal alimentation!

12) The initial commemoration of divine incarnation!

13) It occurred during the nocturnal point equidistant between crepuscular periods of non-precipitous weather!

14) A troche of ocean-going vehicles was apparent to me!

15) Felicitations to Sol's third major satellite!

16) Do not prevent the crystallization of hydrogen hydroxide forming precipitate from the atmosphere! 17) Apply an ecologic visually aesthetic improvement to interior causeways!

18) The metallic hemispherical percussion instruments stimulated my auditory nerves at the incarnation feast!

19) During the vigilance of custodians of ruminants of the genus ovis!

20) I shall return to the sites of my domicile for the celebration of divine nativity!

Here's your two songs for today

You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch

You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch.

You really are a heel.

You're as cuddly as a cactus,

You're as charming as an eel.

Mr. Grinch.

You're a bad banana

With a greasy black peel.

You're a monster, Mr. Grinch.

Your heart's an empty hole.

Your brain is full of spiders,

You've got garlic in your soul.

Mr. Grinch.

I wouldn't touch you, with a thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole.

You're a vile one, Mr. Grinch.

You have termites in your smile.

You have all the tender sweetness

Of a seasick crocodile.

Mr. Grinch.

Given the choice between the two of you

I'd take the seasick crockodile.

You're a foul one, Mr. Grinch.

You're a nasty, wasty skunk.

Your heart is full of unwashed socks

Your soul is full of gunk.

Mr. Grinch.

The three words that best describe you, are, and I quote: "Stink. Stank. Stunk."

You're a rotter, Mr. Grinch.

You're the king of sinful sots.

Your heart's a dead tomato splot

With moldy purple spots,

Mr. Grinch.

Your soul is an apalling dump heap overflowing

with the most disgraceful assortment of

deplorable rubbish imaginable,

Mangled up in tangled up knots.

You nauseate me, Mr. Grinch.

With a nauseaus super-naus.

You're a crooked jerky jockey

And you drive a crooked horse.

Mr. Grinch.

You're a three decker saurkraut and toadstool

sandwichWith arsenic sauce.

Song Two

The 12 Days Of Christmas (For the politically correct)

On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my

Significant Other in a consenting adult, monogamous relationship gave to

me:

TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming,'

ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of

members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in

their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note),

TEN melanin deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal

ruling class system leaping,

NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression,

EIGHT economically disadvantaged female persons stealing milk-products

from enslaved Bovine-Americans,

SEVEN endangered swans swimming on federally protected wetlands,

SIX enslaved Fowl-Americans producing stolen non-human animal products,

FIVE golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration,

(NOTE after members of the Animal Liberation Front threatened to throwred paint at my computer, the calling birds, French hens and partridge

have been reintroduced to their native habitat. To avoid furtherAnimal-American enslavement, the remaining gift package has beenrevised.)

FOUR hours of recorded whale songs

THREE deconstructionist poets

TWO Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled processed tree carcasses

AND a Spotted Owl activist chained to an old-growth pear tree.

P.S Merry Christmas to one and all (and all and all and all and.....)

I'm late again!!

Thank you for not coming over here and yelling at me. Here's four songs. (again two for today two for yesterday)

Six White Boomers

Early on one Christmas Day, a Joey Kanga-roo
Was far from home and lost in a great big zoo

Spoken:
Mummy, where's my mummy, they've taken her a-way
We'll help you find your mummy son, hop on the sleigh

Sung:
Up beside the bag of toys, little Joey hopped
But they had'nt gone far when Santa stopped
Un-harnessed all the reindeer and Joey wondered why
Then he heard a far off booming in the sky

Six white boomers, snow white boomers
Racing Santa Claus through the blazing sun
Six white boomers, snow white boomers .. On his Aus-tra-lian run

Pretty soon old Santa began to feel the heat
Took his fur-lined boots off to cool his feet
Into one popped Joey, feeling quite OK
While those old man kangaroos kept pulling on the sleigh

Six white boomers, snow white boomers
Racing Santa Claus through the blazing sun
Six white boomers, snow white boomers .. On his Aus-tra-lian run

Joey said to Santa "Santa, what about the toys Aren't you giving some to these girls and boys" "They've all got their presents son, we were here last night This trip is an extra trip, Joey's special flight"

Six white boomers, snow white boomers
Racing Santa Claus through the blazing sun
Six white boomers, snow white boomers .. On his Aus-tra-lian run

Soon the sleigh was flashing past, right over Marble Bar
Slow down there, cried Santa, it can't be far
Come up on my lap son, and have a look around
There she is, that's mummy, bounding up and down

Six white boomers, snow white boomers
Racing Santa Claus through the blazing sun
Six white boomers, snow white boomers .. On his Aus-tra-lian run

Well that's the bestest Christmas treat that Joey ever had
Curled up in mother's pouch all snug and glad
The last they saw was Santa headed northward from the sun
The only year the boomers worked a double run

Six white boomers, snow white boomers
Racing Santa Claus through the blazing sun
Six white boomers, snow white boomers .. On his Aus-tra-lian run

Song number two. (finally a Canadian one)

Bob and Doug MacKenzie's 12 Days of Christmas

Intro
Bob: Ok g'day. This is the Christmas part of the album, you can play this at your Christmas partys uh, or to yourself on Christmas eve if there is nothing else to do
Doug: G'day eh? in case you thought like I wasn't on this part.
Bob: Oh i guaranty ya, you'd be on.

Ok so good day, this is the Christmas part, and we're gonna tell ya what to get your true love for Christmas.
Doug: Look out the window!
bob: Where? Whaddya doin?
Doug:Snow!
Bob: Oh it's the great white north, and it's snowin cuz its Christmas time.Hey, hoser! heres a quiz.. quiz for Doug:
Doug: Ok, I got my thinking toque on!
Bob: Yeah, right. What are the 12 days of Christmas?
Doug: Um.
Bob: Cuz figure it out , right? Christmas is when?
Doug: The 25th.
Bob: Right, well whats the 24th? Christmas eve, right.
Doug: That's 2.
Bob: Then , whats after that?
Doug: Wrestling day
Bob: No.
Doug: Boxing day.
Bob: That's 3. Then whats after that? Nothing'.
Doug: New years.
Bob: 4.
Doug: New years eve.
Bob: 5. Where do ya get 12?
Doug: Uh... there's 2 saturdays and sundays in there , 4. That's 9 and 3 other days which i believe are the mystery days.

Ok, this is our Christmas song, in case ya don't know what to get someone for Christmas.
Doug: Theres lots of ideas in here, so listen and don't get stuck. By the way , that's me on the organ.
Bob: Ok geeze.
Doug: Ok, you start.

Song Lyrics
Bob: Ok, on the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me.. beer.

On the 2nd day of Christmas, my true love gave to me... 2 turtlenecks, and beer.

On the 3rd day of Christmas, my true love gave to me.. 3 french toast, 2 turtlenecks, and beer.

There should be more there, eh?
Where?

On the 4th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me.. 4lbs of backbacon, 3 french toast, 2 turtlenecks, and beer..... in a tree.
Oh. See? ya need more.

On the 5th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me..5 GOLDEN TOQUES! 4lbs of backbacon, 3 french toast,2 turtlenecks, and beer in a tree.

On the 6th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me.. 6 packs of two-four. 5 GOLDEN TOQUES! 4lbs of backbacon, 3 french toast, 2 turtlenecks,and beer in a tree.
Ok.

On the 7th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me.. 7 packs of smokes, 6 packs of two-four, 5 GOLDEN TOQUES! 4lbs of backbacon, 3 french toast, 2 turtlenecks,and beer in a tree.

oh, i keep forgettin'.

whew, this should be just the 2 days of xmas, this is too hard for us!

On the 8th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me.. 8 comic books, 7 packs of smokes,6 packs of two-four, 5 GOLDEN TOQUES!4lbs of backbacon,3 french toast,2 turtlenecks,and beer in a tree.
Wow,That beers empty

(Music keeps going)

Day 12.

G'day and welcome to day 12.
Yeah.

5 GOLDEN TOQUES!4lbs of backbacon,3 french toast,2 turtlenecks,and beer in a tre-e.
Where did you learn to do that?
Uh, Albums.
Boy, so thats our song merry Christmas, and g'day.
G'day everybody. Happy new years.
Ok, ya know what ya left out?
What?
Donuts. I told you to get me donuts.
Oh no!
Either on the 9th day, or the 10th day or the 11th day. I wanted donuts.
The song is over merry Christmas everybody, or the 12th you coulda gotten me a dozen donuts.
Go to the stores and get some presents. You coulda gone down to the donut shop where you buy a dozen donuts, you get another donut free. Then it coulda been 13 for the 13 days of Christmas.
Next Christmas, get me a chainsaw.
Take off!
Boy that song was a beauty.. it moved me.
Yah , it ranks up there with stairway to heaven.
What?

Song three

A Chipmunk Christmas

All right you Chipmunks! Ready to sing your song?

I'll say we are!

Yeah!

Let's sing it now!

Okay, Simon?

Okay!

Okay, Theodore?

Okay!

Okay, Alvin? Alvin? ALVIN!

OKAY!!!

Christmas, Christmas time is near,

Time for toys and time for cheer,

We've been good, but we can't last

Hurry Christmas, hurry fast,

Want a plane that loops the loop,

Me, I want a hula hoop,

We can hardly stand the wait,

Please Christmas, don't be late.

Okay fellas, get ready.

That was very good,

Simon.

Naturally.

Very good Theodore.

Ahkhkhkh.

Ah, Alvin, you were a little flat, watch it.

Ah, Alvin? Alvin. ALVIN!

OKAY!!!

Want a plane that loops the loop,

I still want a hula hoop,

We can hardly stand the wait,

Please Christmas, don't be late.

We can hardly stand the wait,

Please Christmas, don't be late.

Very good, boys.

Let's sing it again!

Yeah, let's sing it again!

No, That's enough, let's not overdo it.

What do you mean not overdo it?Overdo it?

We want to sing it again!

Now wait a minute, boys ...Why can't we sing it again?

Song four.

I'm gettin' Nuttin' for Christmas

Chorus:
Oh, I'm gettin' nuttin' for Christmas
Mommy and Daddy are mad.
I'm gettin' nuttin' for Christmas'
Cause I ain't been nuttin' but bad.

I broke my bat on Johnny's head;

Somebody snitched on me.

I hid a frog in sister's bed;

Somebody snitched on me.

I spilled some ink on Mommy's rug;

I made Tommy eat a bug;

Bought some gum with a penny slug;

Somebody snitched on me.

Chorus:

Oh, I'm gettin' nuttin' for Christmas

Mommy and Daddy are mad.

I'm gettin' nuttin' for Christmas'

Cause I ain't been nuttin' but bad.

So you better be good whatever you do,

'Cause if you're bad, I'm warning you,

You'll get nuttin' for Christmas!

I put a tack on teacher's chair,

Somebody snitched on me.

I tied a knot in Susie's hair,

Somebody snitched on me.

I did a dance on Mommy's plants,

Climbed a tree and tore my pants,

Filled the sugar bowl with ants,

Somebody snitched on me.

Chorus:

So, I'm gettin' nuttin' for Christmas

Mommy and Daddy are mad.

I'm gettin' nuttin' for Christmas

'Cause I ain't been nuttin' but bad.

So you better be good whatever you do,

'Cause if you're bad, I'm warning you,

You'll get nuttin' for Christmas!

I won't be seeing Santa Claus;

Somebody snitched on me.

He won't come visit me because

Somebody snitched on me.

Next year I'll be going straight;

Next year I'll be good, just wait

I'd start now, but it's too late;

Somebody snitched on me.

Chorus:

Oh, I'm gettin' nuttin' for Christmas

Mommy and Daddy are mad.

I'm gettin' nuttin' for Christmas

'Cause I ain't been nuttin' but bad.

So you better be good whatever you do,

'Cause if you're bad, I'm warning you,

You'll get nuttin' for Christmas!

Two Days of Christmas Songs

Unfortunately I was out all day yesterday so I wasn't able to add any Christmas songs. Fortunately I am at home now (I think) and I have now added four songs. (Two for today two for yesterday)

Rudolph Got Run Over By My Grandma

Chorus:

Rudolph Got Run Over by my Grandma,

Just as he arrived on Christmas Day,

She had gotten sick and tired of hearin',

that song where she gets trampled by a sleigh.

She'd been listening to the radio,

and she nearly lost her breath,

yellin' cuss words at the DJ,,

for playin' that song where she gets hooved to death.

So she set out on the warpath,

there was evil in her eye,

she said "I'm gonna find that reindeer

and by golly, one of us is gonna die!"

Chorus:

Rudolph Got Run Over by my Grandma,

just as he arrived on Christmas Day,

She had gotten sick and tired of hearin',

that song where she gets trampled by a sleigh.

Santa Claus had made a landing,

on the new expressway,

Grandma was doin' 120,

with her headlights pointed straight at Santa's sleigh.

'Twas an awful sound of impact,

Grandma really nailed him good,

There were hoofprints on her windshield,

and a pair of ripped-off antlers on her hood.
Chorus:

Rudolph Got Run Over by my Grandma,

just as he arrived on Christmas Day,

She had gotten sick and tired of hearin',

that song where she gets trampled by a sleigh.

Guess we'll all be missing Rudolph,

in the winter when it snows,

but now he's up in reindeer heaven,

with a Buick logo stamped into his nose.

But there's no regret from Grandma,

as she drove away, she sneered,

and then she hollered out the window,

"Merry Christmas to all, and to all, a FLAT DEER!"

Chorus:

Rudolph Got Run Over by my Grandma,

just as he arrived on Christmas Day,

She had gotten sick and tired of hearin',

that song where she gets trampled by a sleigh.

Now for the original song.

Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer

Grandma got run over by a reindeer

Walking home from our house Christmas eve.

You can say there's no such thing as Santa,

But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.

She'd been drinkin' too much egg nog,

And we'd begged her not to go.

But she'd left her medication,

So she stumbled out the door into the snow.

When they found her Christmas mornin',

At the scene of the attack.

There were hoof prints on her forehead,

And incriminatin' Claus marks on her back.

Grandma got run over by a reindeer,

Walkin' home from our house Christmas eve.

You can say there's no such thing as Santa,

But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.

Now were all so proud of Grandpa,

He's been takin' this so well.

See him in there watchin' football,

Drinkin' beer and playin' cards with cousin Belle.

It's not Christmas without Grandma.

All the family's dressed in black.
And we just can't help but wonder:

Should we open up her gifts or send them back?

Grandma got run over by a reindeer,

Walkin' home from our house Christmas eve.

You can say there's no such thing as Santa,

But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.

Now the goose is on the table

And the pudding made of fig.

And a blue and silver candle,

That would just have matched the hair in Grandma's wig.

I've warned all my friends and neighbours.

Better watch out for yourselves."

They should never give a license,

To a man who drives a sleigh and plays with elves.

Grandma got run over by a reindeer,

Walkin' home from our house, Christmas eve.

You can say there's no such thing as Santa,

But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.

(Written by Randy Brooks)

Song three

Oh Little Bank Americard

(To The Tune "Oh Little Town of Bethlehem")

Oh, little Bank Americard

You bring me Christmas Cheer

Without your clout I have no doubt

No gifts I'd give this year.

Your credit line allows me

To run up bills quite large

And when I'm through, exhausting you

I'll use my Master Charge.

(Same tune, sung in late February)

Oh, little Bank Americard

You bring me discontent

I calculate Your int'rest rate

Is over twelve percent.

Each month, your cry for payments

My letter-box bombards;

I'm one more sap, caught in your trap

Next year I'll just send cards.

song four

Dashing Through the Mall

(To the Tune of “Jingle Bells”)

Dashing through the mall...

On a late December day,

Through the $tores we go

Charging all the way...

Ching ... Ching ... Ching ...

Bell$ on register$ ring

Making checkbook$ light,

Oh, what fun it is to buy up Everything in $ight!
OH ...
Jingle Bells Jingle Bells

The kids all yell and scream

To us it sounds like anarchy

But to them it's harmony-HEY!

Jingle Bells Jingle Bells

The children tipped the tree

Antique ornaments smashed to bits

The kids each say "not me"

Dad goes to work each day

Engineering things for flight

But his real job is at home

Refereeing little fights

Mom drives the kids around

In an ancient Caravan

Karate, swimming, children's choir

Espresso in her hand-HEY!

Jingle Bells Jingle Bells Jingle all the way

Our wish to you is that you have A... Happy... Holi-dayyyyyyyyy.

How Santa Really Knows

Just one more funny Christmas song for today. (I couldn't resist.)

How Santa Really Knows

(To the tune of "Santa Claus is Coming to town")

You'd better watch out,

You'd better not cry,

You'd better not pout;

I'm telling you why.

Santa Claus is tapping Your phone.

He's bugging your room,

He's reading your mail,

He's keeping a file

And running a tail.

Santa Claus is tapping Your phone.

He hears you in the bedroom,

Surveills you out of doors,

And if that doesn't get the goods,

Then he'll use provocateurs.

So--you mustn't assume

That you are secure.

On Christmas Eve

He'll kick in your door.

Santa Claus is tapping Your phone.

funny song for the day

Here's your funny Christmas song. I recently (a couple minutes ago) found lots more funny Christmas songs so now it's two a day. Anyway here they are.

Rusty Chevrolet

(To The Tune "Jingle Bells")

Dashing through the snow in my rusty Chevrolet.
Down the road I go, sliding all the way.
I need new piston rings.
I need some new snow tires.
My car is held together by a piece of chicken wire!

Chorus:
Oh, rust and smoke, the heater's broke, the door just blew away.
I light a match to see the dash and then I start to pray-ay.
The frame is bent, the muffler went, the radio's okay.
Oh, what fun it is to drive this rusty Chevrolet!

I went to IGA to get some Christmas cheer.
I just passed up my left front tire and it's gettin' hard to steer.
Speeding down the highway, right past the county cops.
I have to drag my swampers just to get the car to stop.

Chorus:
Oh, rust and smoke, the heater's broke, the door just blew away.
I light a match to see the dash and then I start to pray-ay.
The frame is bent, the muffler went, the radio's okay.
Oh, what fun it is to drive this rusty Chevrolet!

Bouncing through the snowdrifts in a big, blue cloud of smoke.
People laugh as I drive by; I wonder what's the joke!
I have to get to Wal-Mart to pick up my layaway,
Cause Santa's comin' soon in his big, old, rusty sleigh!

Chorus:
Oh, rust and smoke, the heater's broke, the door just blew away.
I light a match to see the dash and then I start to pray-ay.
The frame is bent, the muffler went, the radio's okay.
Oh, what fun it is to drive this rus-ty Chev-ro-let!


Now for funny Christmas song number 2

I Saw Elvis Dressed as Santa Claus

To The Tune "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus")

by The Fibs

Oh, I saw Elvis dressed as Santa Claus

In my home town shopping mall last night.

I knew it must be him

Santa is a very slim. And his sideburns where much darker

Than the whiskers on his chin.
Oh, I saw Elvis dressed as Santa Claus

Hiding under that beard of snowy white.

Then I saw his whiskers slip,

When he curled his lip.

Elvis dressed as Santa Claus last night.

Spoken:Yessiree, I saw Elvis sitting on Santa's throne.

Really I did, and I'm gonna call the Enquirer,

Because after all,

Suspicious minds wanna know.

He had blue suede boots and bells,

You should have seen it for yourselves.

Sung:And did you ever wonder why it is

They call his helpers Elves?
Oh, I saw Elvis dressed as Santa Claus

Hiding under that beard of snowy white.

Oh you can imagine my surprise,

When I saw through his disguise.

Elvis dressed as Santa Claus last night.
Well, I saw Elvis dressed as Santa Claus

In my home town shopping mall last night.

He was sitting in Santa's chair;

little sister pulling on his hair.

And I heard him say, "Now don't be cruel,You’ll get a teddy bear."
Oh, I saw Elvis dressed as Santa Claus

Hiding underneath that beard of snowy white.

Then I saw his whiskers slip,

When he curled his lip.

Elvis dressed as Santa Claus last night.
Well it makes me wanna sing

Blue Christmas like the King.

Elvis dressed as Santa Claus last night.

Elvis here, Elvis there, Elvis everywhere!
I heard him say, "Now don't be cruel,You’ll get a teddy bear."

Yet another funny christmas story

One day two chess masters were arguing over who was the better chess player in a hotel lobby. When the manager heard this he went over to them and said, "I don't like chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

The Twelve Days of Fast Food

On the first day of Christmas,
My drive through gave to me:
A Big Bacon Classic with cheese.

On the second day of Christmas,
My drive through gave to me:
Two Happy Meals,
and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.

On the third day of Christmas,
My drive through gave to me:
Three Biggie Fries,
Two Happy Meals,
And a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.

On the fourth day of Christmas,
My drive through gave to me:
Four Egg McMuffins,
Three Biggie Fries,
Two Happy Meals,
And a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.

On the fifth day of Christmas,
My drive through gave to me:
Five onion rings,
Four Egg McMuffins,
Three Biggie Fries,
Two Happy Meals,
And a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.

On the sixth day of Christmas,
My drive through gave to me:
Six chocolate milkshakes,
Five onion rings,
Four Egg McMuffins,
Three Biggie Fries,
Two Happy Meals,
And a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.

On the seventh day of Christmas,
My drive through gave to me:
Seven pints of cole slaw,
Six chocolate milkshakes,
Five onion rings,
Four Egg McMuffins,
Three Biggie Fries,
Two Happy Meals,
And a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.

On the eighth day of Christmas,
My drive through gave to me:
Eight bowls of chili,
Seven pints of cole slaw,
Six chocolate milkshakes,
Five onion rings,
Four Egg McMuffins,
Three Biggie Fries,
Two Happy Meals,
And a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.


On the ninth day of Christmas,
My drive through gave to me:
Nine polish hot dogs,
Eight bowls of chili,
Seven pints of cole slaw,
Six chocolate milkshakes,
Five onion rings,
Four Egg McMuffins,
Three Biggie Fries,
Two Happy Meals,
And a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.

On the tenth day of Christmas,
My drive through gave to me:
Ten baked potatoes,
Nine polish hot dogs,
Eight bowls of chili,
Seven pints of cole slaw,
Six chocolate milkshakes,
Five onion rings,
Four Egg McMuffins,
Three Biggie Fries,
Two Happy Meals,
And a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.

On the eleventh day of Christmas,
My drive through gave to me:
Eleven pounds of blubber,
Ten baked potatoes,
Nine polish hot dogs,
Eight bowls of chili,
Seven pints of cole slaw,
Six chocolate milkshakes,
Five onion rings,
Four Egg McMuffins,
Three Biggie Fries,
Two Happy Meals,
And a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.

On the twelfth day of Christmas,
My drive through gave to me:
Twelve bags of Pepto, Eleven pounds of blubber,
Ten baked potatoes,
Nine polish hot dogs,
Eight bowls of chili,
Seven pints of cole slaw,
Six chocolate milkshakes,
Five onion rings,
Four Egg McMuffins,
Three Biggie Fries,
Two Happy Meals,
And a Big Bacon Classic with Cheese

Another funny Christmas story

It was the doctor's last patient consultation of Christmas Eve. A mother came in with her young daughter and asked if he would examine her because she had been showing some strange symptoms, including a significant increase in weight,sickness most mornings and a number of strange cravings. He checked her out very carefully and eventually told the mother that her daughter was unquestionably pregnat. At which news she protested very strongly. "Don't be ridiculous, my daughter has never been with a man" The girl confirmed that this was true and added that she had never so much as kissed a man. The doctor studied the girl very carefully, then quietly stood up, walked to the window and stared out of it. Suspecting the worst, the mother asked if there was something wrong. "No not really" replied the doctor. :It might just be a coincidence but the last time this happened a bright star appeared in the east and I don't want to miss it."

A funny Christmas story

A Microsoft Christmas
Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, except Papa's mouse.
The computer was humming, the icons were hopping,
As Papa did last-minute Internet shopping.
The stockings were hung by the modem with care
In hope that St. Nicholas would bring new software.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of computer games danced in their heads.
Dark Forces for Billy, and Doom II for Dan,
And Carmen Sandiego for Pamela Ann.
The letters to Santa had been sent out by Mom,To
santaclaus@toyshop.northpole.com
Which has now been re-routed to Washington State
Because Santa's workshop has been bought by Bill Gates.All the elves and reindeer have had to
skedaddle
To flashy new quarters in suburban Seattle.
After centuries of a life that was simple and spare,
St. Nicholas is suddenly a new billionaire,
With a shiny red Porsche in the place of his sleigh,
And a house on Lake Washington that's just down the way
From where Bill has his mansion.
The old fellow preens
In black Gucci boots and red Calvin Klein jeans.
The elves have stock options and desks with a view,
Where they write computer code for Johnny and Sue.
No more dolls or tin soldiers or little toy drums
Will be under the tree, only compact disk ROMS
With the Microsoft label.
So spin up your drive
From now on Christmas runs only on Windows 95.
More rapid than eagles the competitors came,
And Bill whistled, and shouted, and called them by name.
"Now, ADOBE! now, CLARIS! now, INTUIT! too, Now, APPLE! and NETSCAPE! you are all of you through,
It is Microsoft's SANTA that the kids can't resist,
It's the ultimate software with a traditional twist -Recommended by no less than the jolly old elf,
And on the package, a picture of Santa himself.
Get 'em young, keep 'em long, is Microsoft's scheme,
And a merger with Santa is a marketer's dream.
To the top of the NASDAQ! to the top of the Dow!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away - wow!"
And Mama in her 'kerchief and I in my cap,Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
The whirr and the hum of our satellite platter,
As it turned toward that new Christmas star in the sky,
The SANTALITE owned by the Microsoft guy.
As I sprang from my bed and was turning around,
My computer turned on with a Jingle-Bells sound.
And there on the screen was a smiling Bill Gates
Next to jolly old Santa, two arm-in-arm mates.
And I heard them exclaim in voice sobright,
Have a MICROSOFT CHRISTMAS, and TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT

Funny Christmas Songs

Starting today I will write down 1 funny Christmas song each day untill Christmas (or when I run out of songs). Here's the first one.

Australian Jingle Bells

Dashing through the bush, in a rusty Holden Ute,

Kicking up the dust,

esky in the boot,

Kelpie by my side,

singing Christmas songs,

It's Summer time and I am in my singlet, shorts and thongs

Oh! Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way,

Christmas in Australia on a scorching summers day,

Hey!Jingle bells, jingle bells, Christmas time is beaut !,

Oh what fun it is to ride in a rusty Holden Ute.

Engine's getting hot;

we dodge the kangaroos,

The swaggie climbs aboard,

he is welcome too.

All the family's there,

sitting by the pool,

Christmas Day the Aussie way,

by the barbecue.

Oh! Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way,

Christmas in Australia on a scorching summers day,

Hey!Jingle bells, jingle bells, Christmas time is beaut!,

Oh what fun it is to ride in a rusty Holden Ute.
Come the afternoon,

Grandpa has a doze,

The kids and Uncle Bruce,

are swimming in their clothes.

The time comes 'round to go,

we take the family snap,

Pack the car and all shoot through,

before the washing up.

Oh! Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way,

Christmas in Australia on a scorching summers day,

Hey!Jingle bells, jingle bells, Christmas time is beaut!,

Oh what fun it is to ride in a rusty Holden Ute.

A new newsletter for your Narnia news needs

The Narnia Newsletter

A new newsletter for all your Narnian news (so many Ns)

current schedule:
first seven days that I post on: The Lion the witch and the wardrobe
second seven days that I post on: Prince Caspian
third seven days that I post on: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader
fourth seven days that I post on: A Horse and His Boy
fifth seven days that I post on: The Silver Chair
sixth seven days that I post on: The Magican's Nephew
seventh seven days that I post on: The Last Battle
eighth seven days that I post on: Other works by C. S. Lewis

Warning! Warning! Catholic Blog! You have been warned
As the above sign mentioned this happens to be a catholic blog. Since I live in Canada which is a "free" country if you do not like the fact that I am catholic heres what I say to you "To bad!!!"